Parallax Tide — Part 3 — Trinity
It was around sunset. Kylie Heisenberg was in the captain’s cabin, slowly making headway into the translation, though it was difficult. Its Spanish prose was recognizable enough for a form of the language centuries old, but it was full of nautical she didn’t have the first clue about. Worse, though, was the damn constant swaying of the vessel and the sweltering, humid heat. They were in the tropics alright. She had to fight the remnants of nausea constantly. The glass windows all over the luxurious cabin did not help. No wonder Wade had elected to go sleep on a bunk below, where the only windows were the gun ports. At least those had goddamn lids.
Still, one thing was sort of nice, if rather eerie. Galleons were famous for being extremely cramped. You needed a shitload of men to operate those three masts and unholy amounts of ropes, not to mention the soldiers and officers. Warship and all that. And a surplus of crewmen were expected to for the inevitable loss of life for the long voyages at sea. In fact...It made Kylie curious. What size was the crew of this particular vessel, before it got deserted and inexplicably inhabited by only two women?
“There has to be some sort of crew ledger somewhere.”
She thus hit the bookshelves again, which was not an easy task. The books were as thick and numerous and the dicks in Selena’s -one of her closest friends and fellow Pretties- favorite parties. Movies set in the Age of Sail tended to show smaller, maneuverable warships, with everybody on board roughly on equal footing, but it was clear this was a castle on the water. The Captain’s cabin was a nobleman’s room, towering over everyone else in riches, status, and knowledge. None on board could even doubt that vessel was His to command. Too bad the nobles were notoriously poor in bed, what with the superstition that bringing a woman on board a vessel was believed to bring inevitable disaster at the time. Kylie smiled. Her thoughts drifting to sex again meant she was through the worst of that cocksucking hangover. Still, good horny Pretty or not, she still had to learn as much about this ship as possible, so she stopped posing sexily to no one and went back to looking for the crew ledger. Aah, to be back in the Coppelia garden, her true home, with her wife Alyssa and all her pretty sisters...She was rubbing her thighs together letting her dampness trickle along them. She closed her eyes, and was about to masturbate, when...
“Ah, to be a healthy human in her prime. Must be nice.”
Kylie jumped. The voice had come from the cabin’s entrance. The vampire was up and about again, stretching her teenage body, yawning and baring her fangs. Right. Ol’ Sol had gone under the horizon.
“Good evening, li’l me. Slept well?”
“Yeah, yeah. Howsabout you, learned something?”
“I translated a bunch of things about stars and birds at any rate. Now I’m just curious about how many assholes it used to take to man this relic.”
“Thanks, and good question. Based on the lingering life energy, I’d say...around two hundred. Give or take a few dozen.”
Heisenberg gulped.
“Shit. We aren’t about to move this hunk of wood by our lonesome if that’s what it took.”
“It’s not impossible I think, but it’s sure going to take some elbow grease and patience.”
“No kidding. But...Wait a minute. How did you arrive at the 200 men conclusion?”
“Short answer, vampire senses. Long answer...How about we come on deck together? I think we’re eating fresh fish tonight. I’ll explain my perception there.”
Many will say that fishing is an art, or at least a technique to be learned. Sometimes, though, all you need is to throw a fish trap and wait. Nobody is catching any big-ass tuna with this, but it is surprisingly effective when schools of small fish are about. And so it was that Kylie Wade hauled up to deck a basic bottle trap, that contained about a dozen mackerel. They were quickly transferred into a large bucket, and the two Kylies were indeed looking as a welcome, fresh dinner.
“I can’t the last time I cooked my own dinner,” conceded the sex doll. Indeed, both her handler and her husband considered her hands were better used for either pleasure or warfare than for the kitchen. “But a good old fashioned BBQ under the stars sounds pretty nice!”
“Cool, just let four of ’em raw for me. I don’t cook, as you can imagine.”
“Like...You can’t even eat anything but blood?”
“Nope. Barf it right up.” Eyes rolled. “In ash form, too. Bad scene.”
“Yeesh...Don’t you miss it? Cooking, I mean?”
“It’s complicated. On one hand, human blood, to a Cainite, tastes better than the most luxurious dish the best chef in the world could whip up. On the other hand...Yes, I do miss the variety.”
The mackerels were herded to either the piercing cold maw or the sizzling grid. The stars watched, in their unending voyage across infinity, and did not give a shit. Who cares, still good.
“So, I promised you an explanation as to how I know certain things.”
“Indeed you do.”
“Well...I did mention how there are different kinds of vampires, yes? With different curses?”
“Huh huh.”
“Well, each type -we call them clans- also have differences in powers. Every vampiric power -we call them Disciplines but I happen to think Power sounds cooler, fuck you- is available, but...It requires a lot of training, and specific blood. Opposed to that...Each clan has a set that just...sort of comes naturally to it.”
“Being alive not being one of them, I suppose!” Giggled Heisenberg.
“Hardy fucking har, but no. Like, take the Nosferatu for example. Their curse is...just being fucking ugly. We’re talking faces like barf bags that got killed in a eighteen wheeler frontal collision, and their skin looks so old and dry Indiana Jones would come out of retirement to obtain it.”
“That mental image is horrifying to me.”
“You’re not alone. Anyway, their innate powers are Animalism—the talking to animals thing I mentioned yesterday, Obfuscate—Basically super stealthy mode activate, and Potence. Or as many now call it, Hulk Smash.”
“Wow, they must be extremely good assassins.”
Kylie Heisenberg did not fancy herself a HR specialist, but there was no denying it. Her husband would recruit one of those Nosferatus in a heartbeat. Or...Lack of one.
“That they are. But enough about them. I have innate powers as well. First one? Auspex. I suppose you already suspect what that does, based on me guessing the number of crew.”
“Divination.”
“Ding ding ding! And as a personal added flavor, my Auspex is geared toward life energy. Present...And past.”
“So, the 200 crew you spoke of...”
“I saw them, yes.” The vampire made a conscious effort to sigh. “Just...remnants, really. Although...there was something ’bout ’em. Every remnant leaves a certain aura. Theirs was...Hope.”
“That would have been smack dab in the Age of Sail, yeah? Adventure, sure. Danger? Oh yeah. Riches? As much as your scrawny ass can carry. Wearing a cool ass eyepatch? You got it. I can count that as Hope, cramped life conditions on a galleon nothwithstanding.
“True. Moreover, my guess is, given Auspex and the general state of the galleon...This was a maiden voyage.”
Heisenberg stroke her chin. This made sense, but it wasn’t nearly good news. For one, that meant they weren’t likely to find a charted course, as it could very well have been an exploratory mission.
“Yeaah, so...What’s your Second power?”
“Attack me.”
“What, just...Attack you?”
“Yep. And let me be clear, I don’t want a light jab, or a pussy-ass kick. Punch me, kick me, shoot me. Hard as you can.”
Heisenberg did so. Wade winced.
“Okay, have I not made myself clear? Assassin. Do your fucking job. Knee me in the cunt. Go for a liver shot like you hate my guts and want me do die. Hard. As. You. Can.”
“But then you’ll die. I’d rather not kill myself.”
“I won’t. But you’ll live as a fucking weakling. Oh, and your hubby -I believe his name was McAllister?— has given up on you.”
“Okay. Now I know you’re lying. Also you’re fucking dead.”
“Now that’s more like it.”
Heisenberg hit Wade like the hobo she killed when she was 14. A hard stab with her fingers right through the eyes, juuuust short of reaching the brain. Oh, yes, she ed every fucking bit of pain she inflicted to that poor asshole, just because he kicked a cat.
Wade took the nukite strike, right in the eyes, without even flinching. Without even inertia. The assassin understood what the bloodsucker meant.
“And that’s Fortitude, demonstrated. Oh, and you were right, I was lying. I can see a lot of things, but I can’t see everywhere on Earth, come on.”
“So you’re just a clairvoyant that won’t fucking drop.”
“Yep, that’s about the size of it. Still makes me Batman’s worst nightmare, but I’m not bringing the end times anywhere soonish. Though believe you me, big sis...my enemies all act like I can. Whiiiiich should bring me to the third power. THE power, I think you might say. I sealed it away some. But I’ll share some of the secret with me.”
Wade swept her messy hair up, closed her eyes, and...Opened a third one. The vampire took a moment to let things settle a bit. Or give her counterpart something especially witty to say. Sometimes, however, you just have to acknowledge the obvious.
“You have a third eye.”
“Yep, said to grant sight beyond sight. Getting Auspex is kind of a matter of course with this kind of hardware, really. And, I mean, did you ever close your left eye for ages, only for you to open it and...”
“Feels like you were blind all along.”
“Just so. And having three eyes is basically quitting the 2D or even 3D plane. It’s another perception entirely.”
“Okay, you’re starting to sound like you’re a fucking archangel or something to that effect.”
The undead laughed, opening all her eyes, and thrust her arms into the ether.
“Be Not Afraid.”
For a moment, she gently pushed Heisenberg’s chest downwards, opening her lips invitingly...But it might have been a mere warped impression of a fuckdoll’s frustrated mind.
“Jokes aside,” Contiuned the vampire, “I’m really a grunt in the forces of evil with some simulacrum of the powers of heaven. Really convincing simulacrum, mind, but...”
Heisenberg’s Pretty instincts kicked in. The vampire was not lying this time. This girl was no angel. The look in her eyes reminded her of every man she killed, extremely, and bloodily. How she, herself, felt literally no remorse whatsoever, yet, this...animated corpse, a literal monster straight from the legends, showed...Shame. Something she never had. How...How could this be? That she, the alive one, was more bloodthirsty that a fucking vampire?
“And that brings me to...Wait, hold on, what?”
“Now what is it, Raphael?”
“There’s someone, out at sea, over there. In a tiny vessel. Adrift. And...She looks very much like us.”
“Oh, great, we’re multiplying.”
“Seems so. But whatever the fuck is going on, we have to save her!”
“I...can’t say I’m as enthusiatic as you, kid icarus. But I will it I’m curious.”
Wade rushed to the rowboats and paddled with to the new her with much hurry and vigor. She didn’t even wait for Heisenberg, who sighed, and followed more patiently along with the second available rowboat. Luckily, they reached the adrift one. Though her face was the same as theirs, she was noticeably different in a number of ways. Not nearly as muscular, had long hair tied in a ponytail, and quite tanned. She was, unsurprisingly, parched to hell and back.
“Hurry the fuck back to the galleon!” Shouted the bloodsucker as she applied her hands to the victim of the waves. “I’ll take the paramedics from here!”
Thankfully, or surprisingly, you take your pick, the Kylie adrift found herself on the galleon. To her utter surprise, if not straight up panic.
“What the ffffUUUUUCK?”
“Heh. Got the same reaction as me.”
Once Wade examined the third Kylie, and after having made sure she had plenty of fresh water, she ruffled her spiky hair.
“Well...I’m sure you’re expecting answers, but basic fact is we have none. We both just...sort of woke up on this galleon, without any memory of exactly how. You’re the third...Any light to shed?”
“Absolutely not...I was on my team’s research ship, we were having dinner, and...somehow I woke up on this dinghy. Thanks God you came here in time...As weird as this is.”
“Research ship? You a scientist?”
“Yeah, Ashley Dharen, marine biologist. I was working on my doctorate thesis on box jellyfish. Before whatever the hell happened here.”
Neither of the other two seemed surprised at her entirely distinct name. Both of their middle names were Ashley, and both their mothers were called Selma Dharen. Entirely reasonable for alternate dimension shenanigans. Nevertheless, they were surprised by her occupation.
“Heh, that’s a change compared to an assassin and a mercenary.” Observed the Pretty killer.
“Huh...What?”
“Yeah, we’re not nice people exactly. Though dealing with box jellies...That means you’re not exactly a candy-ass either.”
“Oh, right, that’s the most venomous jellyfish in the world, yeah?” Abonded the vampire.
“By a significant margin. And I’m working at a lab in Baubau, South Sulawesi, Indonesia. So logically we shouldn’t be too far from there.”
“Well, huh, we’re both from Los Angeles so logic need not apply here I think. But at least we’re kind of sure we’re near the equator, so being in Indonesian waters would make sense.”
Ashley took a deep breath.
“Both from LA? My family’s origin, and you both look like me? On this...monster of a vessel? Usually I’m good at realizing I’m having a nightmare and deciding to wake up, but I can’t do that here so, again, what the ffffuck...”
At this juncture in time, Heisenberg let out a great old big sigh.
“Whew...So...I’ve been translating old spanish all day and you seem more familiar to this kind of transdismensional shit than me, longshanks, so...I’ll be hitting the sack in the Captain’s cabin, aight? Toodles.”
And on that note, the mutant sex doll assassin left the scene. The scientist had little else to say but...
“Did she say...transdimensional? As in, am I to assume you two are..other me’s?”
“You got it. We didn’t even properly introduced ourselves, did we? The sexy one who smells of cinammon is Kylie Heisenberg. Some sort of genetically engineered assassin whore. I’m Kylie Wade, vampire.”
Which she immediately proved by showing the requisite parts. Dharen pinched the bridge of her nose. She hated to play the role of the snooty scientist who just immediately thought this was obviously some kind of grift, but this entire situation really was starting to wear her thin.
“Discounting that piece of info for the moment...You said your name was Kylie Wade, living in Cali.”
“Hm hm. What of it?”
“Does that mean...Dad’s still alive where you came from?”
“I’m forever unable to meet him again, but...Yeah, I’m watching my human family from afar. He’s right as rain. Then your Irvine Wade...”
“...died while I was still cooking.”