The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

David Wilson read over the thank-you email Raven Ramirez and Abigail Miller had sent for their contributions to Raven’s ion project, which she had revealed was titled “Hump Day at Fuckamore Academy. In addition to the filming of that scene itself being the best sex either one of them had since their first night together (the two couldn’t agree on whether it topped that night), the posting of the video had triggered an additional $50000 of contributions in the campaign’s final day. Now that the two Goths had limited control over one another’s minds during sex, their escapades (both on and off camera) would reach new levels of pleasure.

Raven had also promised him and Kelly tickets to the film’s premiere, an act which confused David. While they had fundraised for the film far beyond its estimated budget, they had yet to start production, an endeavor David assumed would take at least a year. In addition, the film was a pornographic parody, and David wasn’t sure movies like that even had extravagant premieres, even in Hollywood. However, all of those things were Raven and Abigail’s problem, so David pushed them out of his mind as he reread Raven’s very detailed description of their “celebration” of the end of the funding campaign. Raven truly had a talent for erotic writing, even when it wasn’t intentional.

“Still reading the Goths’ expression of gratitude, big boy?” asked Kelly as she entered his office. “I know I read it like five times.“

“This makes seven for me, hot stuff.” said David. “No expression of gratitude has turned me on this much since the blowjobs from Eleanor.”

“Really? None?” asked Kelly as she narrowed her eyes.

“Let me rephrase that. “No UNEXPECTED expression of gratitude has turned me on this much since the blowjobs from Eleanor. We expect gratitude from one another all the time.”

“I can live with that disclaimer, since I am in complete agreement with the final sentence.”

“It just felt so good to know that those two are grateful for being enthralled.”

“No, they’re grateful for being paired up as part of the enthrallment. And they’re grateful that was as far as we went with them despite the enthrallment.“

“We got them together, just like we did our other friends, and they should thank us!”

“Another correction is necessary, Mister Matchmaker. Yes, Eleanor and James probably wouldn’t have gotten together without your guidance. Neither would Monique and Louis. But I think that Caroline and Scott would have found each other either way. And more importantly, none of them know what we did and we can’t tell them. Abigail and Raven only got the truth because they figured it out on their own!“

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.” sighed David. “And the other couples had a lot more done to them than the Goths to boot. Caroline’s a very forgiving person, and Monique is still your best friend, but James is more likely to sue us than thank us. It’s just more wishful thinking.”

Kelly smiled mischievously. “Well, my darling husband, at least one of your wishes is coming true now. I started feeling nauseous a few days ago, and I’m over a week late so...“

David’s eyes went wide “You got a test!?”

“I got a test.” she said, pulling it from her bathrobe. “One I’m POSITIVE you’ll be happy with the results of.”

David looked at the positive result on the pregnancy test, then back to the test taker. “Right across the board, MOM!” he said, smiling ear to ear.

Kelly jumped into her husband’s arms. “Let’s start spreading the good word, DAD!” she said, but just then she made sure her husband’s mouth was too busy to say anything...

It was a solid seven minutes (a duration second only to their wedding night) before either one of them had any interest in speaking. By that point, David was down to his boxers and Kelly (who had only been wearing her robe and underwear) was completely naked. Finally David spoke “So what do we do now?”

Kelly’s answer was “First off, we celebrate the way we always do, with a long hard fuck.“

“No Orgasm Function, though. I have no Idea what kind of effects it would have on a pregnant woman.”

“Should have guessed your caution would get kicked up a few notches. Then we call my family, then we call your family, then we go down our address book from A to Z, then I introduce you to my OB-GYN...”

“Hold on. Why does your family get the first call?“

“Because the last pregnancy in my family was four years ago and the last one in yours was twenty-four years ago.“

David kissed her again. “Doublemint. Doesn’t matter all that much. Now, I’m going to carry you to my bedroom while I still can! Let’s check off the first Item and then tell everyone!“

“No need to use protection this time. It’s almost impossible to impregnate me when you already have!“

The rest of the day consisted of call after call to friends and family sharing the happy news, and the squeals of joy and other congratulatory messages in return. They managed to get ahold of everyone in their circle except James and Eleanor.

FOUR DAYS LATER...

Kelly immediately scheduled an appointment with her OB-GYN, deciding to get concrete proof of pregnancy so everyone’s hopes weren’t unnecessarily raised. David accompanied her (for the first time) and they saw Eleanor and James coming out as they were about to enter. After the usual pleasantries, Kelly said. “I couldn’t get ahold of you these last few days. You missed our big news.”

Eleanor smiled widely. “What a coincidence! James and I just got big news of our own. I’m pregnant!” Kelly started laughing. What’s so funny?” asked Eleanor.

Kelly smiled even wider than her friend had. “You took the words right out of my mouth!” The beauties then hugged, their husbands quickly ing in. After the hug, Kelly added. “At least, I think so. I trust Dr. Amani more than something I got over the counter.“

“So do I.” said Eleanor, with shining blue eyes. “I had James pay someone to cancel because I couldn’t spend a week in suspense!”

“We could have just gone to the emergency room, but she gave me the puppy dog eyes and...“

“We know the rest.” said David and Kelly together. James had found it very difficult to deny his wife when she was insistent. David knew full well that in the unlikely event that Eleanor’s eyes couldn’t get James to change his mind on something, her lips and tongue definitely would.

“Well, good luck!” said Eleanor as they went for the exit.

“Thanks!” said Kelly. “And if it turns out to be a false positive, I’m more than happy to try, try again!”

Doctor Ellen Amani was a naturalized American citizen, having been born in India. Like many of her brethren, she had come to America for medical school and decided not to leave when she was done. She was also very attractive, something David noticed immediately (this was his first time meeting the doctor). The doctor took a urine sample from Kelly, and was able to analyze it within minutes. Once the analysis was done, she said with a smile, ”Badhai ho, you two (translates to Congratulations). The positive result was correct!” She said something else after that, but the parents-to-be were too busy making out to pay attention.

“Sorry Doc, we got a little carried away.” explained David after a minute and a half. “You were saying?”

Dr. Amani said. “I said you aren’t even the first couple I gave the good news to today.”

“We know.” said Kelly. “The Markses are friends of ours, and we saw them on the way in.”

“Well, if there’s nothing else, you can schedule a follow-up with Janice. I recommend a month from now.”

Kelly quickly said. “Ellen, Obey-GYN”

The doctor’s eyes slammed shut and her head slumped forward. “GYN obeys.”

David looked at Dr. Amani in shock and his wife in annoyance. “You wouldn’t.”

Kelly blushed. “It’s a little bit of a grey area, actually.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. Explain.”

“A couple of years ago, I did hypnotize her after an exam. I had overheard her telling the receptionist that the woman after me had cancelled so I had a little extra time.“

“Still not hearing the complicated part.”

“It turned out that one of Malcolm’s assets beat me to her. Since every thrall in Southern California is programmed to accept our control if they know who we are, I simply had her tell me her trigger.”

“Who nabbed her?”

“Look at her desk.” On the desk were a pair of unique bracelets. They were made of 6-pack rings, a trait David had only seen once before.

“The Beach Bums?”

“The Beach Bums.”

“What have you made her do?”

“Eat me out, only if she didn’t put anything down there over the course of the exam. I mean, we’re already in position for her to do it...”

“How often?” David sounded a bit angrier with each question.

“Counting the initial attempt, four times, all of which I ed for on the favor count if you were wondering. Today would have been five. I make sure there’s time before I put her under.”

“And the secretary?”

“Never bothered. Far as I know, she’s clean.”

“You are aware that she’s not the only OB-GYN in LA County that Malcom has in his power.”

“Not specifically, but I do know he has a lot of specialist doctors as primary assets, and her particular field seems lucrative for finding thralls.“

“True. My guess is that the only reason this one isn’t an asset yet is because Malcolm has no believable excuse to come here and break her!”

“It’s hard to see him coming up with one, for sure, but that doesn’t mean he can’t send another asset to do the job like we did with Dr. Jung.“

“This has gone on long enough. For all we know she’s got another client soon.”

“Three... o’clock.” droned the doctor, the first reaction she’d had to either of them since being triggered.

“Time’s up, then.” said Kelly.

David said. “Okay, Doctor. Wake up on the count of three, with no memory of what we discussed. One, two, three!”

Dr. Amani opened her eyes. “I don’t know where the time went, but I have someone else coming in ten minutes! Kelly, get dressed and go.”

ABOUT TWO MONTHS LATER...

While Kelly had not been confined to bed by any doctor just yet, her body was beginning to show signs. This made her look less in shape, which for a personal trainer was poor advertising. Thus, when they decided to renovate the bedroom that the baby would use upon birth, and one of them had to be at home to supervise the contractors, it was her who spent the day there while David was seeing clients. She spent the duration watching television in their bedroom until the boss, Carlos, came in with a problem. “Mrs. Wilson, one of my workers is missing.”

“How is that possible?” she asked.

“Twenty minutes ago he asked for a bathroom break, and never came back.”

“Could he still be in there?”

“No, ma’m. Another man went to the bathroom since then, and never saw him. And before you ask, if any of them went AWOL, I’d fire the guy on the spot, and they all know it.”

Kelly immediately concluded what had happened to the missing man. “What’s his name?”

“Don.”

“Get back to work. I’ll handle it.” As soon as Carlos was out of the room, she called her husband’s office.

Arlene answered. “Hello, Mrs. Wilson. Your husband is with a client at the moment.”

“This is an emergency. Tell him to use his personal phone and this isn’t something he can sleep on!” That phrase was a code they had developed. It indicated that the emergency was hypnosis related and thus extremely urgent.

David returned her call three minutes later. “This better be BIG, Kelly.” he said. “Arlene entered when I had the couple in trance, so I had to trigger her too.“

“At least you were all clothed.” said Kelly. “I’m pretty sure one of the contractors got into your office. His boss has ruled out him being anyplace else in the house. Apparently, he was looking for the bathroom, which is right next to the office.”

“And you’re assuming that he accidentally turned on the hypnotics after locking himself inside.”

“Precisely. He’s locked inside the way your brother was as a baby. The door may be locked from the outside, but it can be opened from within, he’s just not capable of doing it right now.“

“You have a key for the room, and the polarized sunglasses are in my bedside table. Do I need to write you a script?”

“Probably not, but I’ll let you know.”

“Good, now you go do your damage control and I’ll do mine. Love you.” He hung up.

Kelly got the key and sunglasses and went to the soundproof office. Sure enough, there was Don, fully entranced, staring into the flashing LEDs on the desk. Kelly quickly went behind the desk and turned them off. She then looked at the hypnotized hired help. His face was still completely blank, but when she looked at his crotch, she saw an additional problem. Don had wandered into the office looking for a bathroom-and being hypnotized without commands left him with no control of his bladder and obvious signs of that fact. Kelly realized that this poor guy was not going to be paid in full for today’s work no matter what, but she had an idea of how she could spin this so he could at least keep his job. “Can you hear me, Don?” she asked.

“Yesssssssssssssssssssssssss... ma’aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmm...” he droned.

“Follow me.” Don followed Kelly to the laundry room, which was on the opposite side of the bathroom from the office. Enough time had ed for the mess to partially dry, meaning that Kelly had a plausible explanation to program in. She handed him a towel. “Don, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken. You will believe that you couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time and peed yourself. You then went to the laundry room and have been attempting to clean yourself up with the towel until I found you here just now. You will not being in my husband’s office at all. Understand?”

“Yesssssssssssssssssssssssss... ma’aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmm...”

Kelly walked back to the doorway and snapped her fingers. “What happened?” she demanded, despite knowing what happened better than Don himself.

“I’m s-sorry, ma’am, there was an, an accident and I tried to, to clean myself up.” stammered Don.

“I understand, these things happen. Tell your boss that you need to leave early. I’ll make sure you don’t get fired, but that towel is coming out of your pay unless it’s back here clean by tomorrow.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Don was embarrassed, but still a bit relieved that his client was so understanding. He was on his way to explain what happened to his supervisor before Kelly could say anything else.

After Don had left, Kelly said to herself. “At least it was only number one. I would have needed David’s help otherwise!”

ONE WEEK LATER...

David had gotten a call from Kat and Beth (now three years married) that they wanted to talk in person. Unlike with Raven and Abigail, the pretty pair hadn’t implied any secret knowledge (though David guessed that it would be harder on their shared mind to deduce it, not to mention that they had originally been enthralled by the more skilled Malcolm). Kelly, who overheard the call (they always defaulted to speakerphone, and David wasn’t sure they had separate cells) demanded to come along, and they acquiesced. David didn’t realize that his wife had packed lube and the magic strap-on until they were already on the road. “Unbelievable.” he said upon learning.

“You know how horny pregnant women get, and I had a relatively high sex drive to begin with!” she said unrepentantly.

“Of course I know.” said David with annoyance “You remind me of it constantly! I’ve been satisfying you as often as I can!“

“Have you?” she countered. “I’m barely working anymore, you chaperoned me with Dr. Amani, Arlene’s our only bed buddy which I’ve only gotten to use twice since the pregnancy began, and you stopped giving me the Orgasm Function!“

David, even more annoyed listed. “You aren’t working because your job is physical and that kind of exertion is bad for a pregnant woman. Because you aren’t working, I can’t let as many cancellations go because it’s money out of my pocket, meaning there is less opportunity for Arlene’s performance reviews. As for Dr. Amani, it’s your own fault for revealing she was enthralled, and you shouldn’t have been exploiting a doctor in the first place. Finally, as I told you a while ago, the Orgasm Function is not meant for someone in your condition.“

“You’re being overprotective.”

“There’s two of you now so mathematically, I’m not.“

“Counterpoint: This bottle of lube had its receipt stuck to it, with a date stamp of before the pregnancy! And the strap-on had dust. DUST! Here were our favorite double act, who we haven’t seen since graduation, calling us out of the blue. What did you EXPECT me to do?!“

Now David was starting to get angry. “We haven’t seen them since graduation because that’s when their birth control gave out! The loophole for lesbian couples who will accept a man only applies if we can keep from leaving evidence! The kind of evidence that YOU’RE CARRYING RIGHT NOW!“

“I bet Rebecca and Eric never had this kind of argument.”

“How COULD they?”

“Hard to argue with that one. Our situation is about as unique as it gets!”

Kat and Beth’s house was also a unique situation, everything inside it and outside it was as perfectly symmetrical as possible. Their car had once belonged to a driving academy, so either front seat could control it. David rang the bell. As they did everything else, Kat and Beth answered the door together. “Hello, David.” said Beth.

“Hello, Kelly.” said Kat. The two looked as lovely as they had six years ago.

“Long time.” said David.

“No see.” said Kelly, suppressing the urge to laugh.

“You can.” said Kat.

“Come in.” said Beth.

Once they had sat down, Beth said “Kelly, you look.”

Kat finished. “So different.”

Kelly answered. “Almost four months along. Next week we get to find out the gender.”

Kat said. “Congratulations, you two.”

Beth said. “This is a strange coincidence.”

“How so?” asked David.

“We want to.” started Beth.

“Have kids too. David, we want you.” continued Kat.

“To be our donor.” finished Beth.

“May I discuss this with my wife in private?” asked David.

“Don’t see.” said Kat.

“Why not.” said Beth. They got up and went to the kitchen.

Once they were alone, Kelly asked “Why you?”

“Latent effect of their programming, most likely.” answered David. “Much like Regina, they trust me above any other male except Malcolm. Unlike Regina, they haven’t met him as far as they know.“

“I knew it was good that I brought the lube and the strap-on.“

“Wait, where are you going with this?”

“I’m okay with you donating your seed to them, big boy. Just as long as you do it the old fashioned way. I’ll be right alongside you, balancing the pleasure.“

“You’ve got to be kidding me! How desperate for multi-way sex are you?”

“We took them out of the rotation because they ran out of birth control and had no reason to get more. Now that they don’t want to prevent a pregnancy, there’s no reason not to do it!“

“To me there is. My grandfather abandoned every woman he dallied with, even if they got pregnant. Small wonder none of those kids survived the cradle. Uncle Jacob ironically got lucky because his biological mother died.”

“What’s your point?”

“He ruined their lives for a good time, like a goddamn parasite. I can’t do that. I won’t do that. Is THAT a good enough point?” snapped David.

“You wouldn’t be doing that, because these two want to be parents.” countered Kelly. “You have no legal responsibility.“

“Not if I do what you’re suggesting. I don’t want to abandon their kids, and I want ours to know his or her half-siblings.“

“Then ask. And if all else fails, you can persuade them.“

David called their hot hostesses back in. “I’ll do it, and Kelly is okay with it.”

Beth said “Thank you.”

Kat said. “So much.”

David said. “Hang on, I have a few conditions.”

Kat asked. “Do you?”

Beth asked. “Want money?”

David said. “No, I want visitation. For me and the child Kelly is carrying and if we have any more, them too. They’ll be family.”

Beth said. “We can discuss.”

Kat said. “That later on.”

David continued. “Also, if anyone asks, you withdrew from a bank. Our parents might not understand why I did this.”

Kat said “Fair.”

Beth said “Enough.”

Kelly put on a big mischievous grin. “Double down.”

Kat said “Down”

Beth said “For”

Together they said “Anything” as their eyes closed and they slumped into each other on the couch.

David asked. “When did you last ovulate?”

Beth said. “Two days.”

Kat said. “Ago.”

Kelly said. “I knew they were in sync, but not that in sync.“

David explained. “They must have wanted to apply the donation immediately.”

“Well, ladies.” said Kelly. “You are going to get the seed deposit from my husband that you asked for. Now open your eyes but remain asleep, then take us to your bedroom so the ‘donation’ can begin.”

Kat said. “Yes.”

Beth said. “Kelly.”

David and Kelly followed their hypnotized hostesses to their bedroom. Kelly said. “I want Beth first!”

David’s answer was. “I’m not going to argue the point. There is no wrong choice in this case, and we’ll get them both by the time we’re finished anyway.”

Kelly didn’t even acknowledge her husband’s comment, simply saying. “Strip, and get hornier the more naked you are!” to the pretty pair, which they did. She and David were removing their own clothes, which in Kelly’s case took a bit longer. Not only were her maternity clothes tighter and harder to get off, but she had to adjust the magic strap-on to accommodate her new dimensions. Unfortunately, the morning sickness caught up with her halfway through the undressing and David had to ask Kat and Beth where the bathroom was. By the time Kelly was ready, Kat and Beth had been naked for over three minutes and had gotten so aroused they began on their own, fondling each other and making out.

David clapped his hands to get their attention. “Kat, with me. Beth, with Kelly. We’ll switch soon enough. Prepare to receive what you asked for!”

Beth said “Yes.”

Kat said “Master.”

David kissed his wife and said “Doublemint. Shall we?”

David and Kelly hadn’t participated in anything above a three-way since Eleanor’s wedding (Steff’s, the most recent they had gone to, was close enough so that they didn’t get a hotel room and thus didn’t collect thralls for an orgy), but they ed everything so it was like riding a pair of (very sexy) bicycles. They started with “Dog-eat-Dog”. Kat and Beth were being fucked doggy-style from opposite ends of the bed, while the two of them made out and fondled each other. Their reverse-cowgirl race was one sided because Kelly’s pregnant body had made her slower. 2-69-2 was next, followed by a tandem regular fuck. Then they switched partners and did the whole thing over again. Kat and Beth hadn’t specified which of them was supposed to carry the child (and David wasn’t sure they could articulate the answer) so he decided to go with them both to be on the safe side. After recharging her “Doublemint,” Kelly then had David remove the strap-on for the next phase. David had Beth blow him while Kat ate out Kelly, then he moved back to the missionary position with her while the others sixty-nined. Beth had her ass done again, then doggy-style while Kelly and Kat demonstrated the couple’s patent-pending version of tit-fucking in all four combinations. Then Kelly had Kat and Beth switch again and repeat the process. It was the most extensive sex session they’d had in over four years.

David told them to shower while he and Kelly talked and redressed. “I hope you’re happy now, hot stuff.”

Kelly was grinning ear to ear. “Ecstatic, big boy, Ecstatic. Happiest I’ve been since we got the big news. I find it hard to believe that you didn’t knock up at least one of them after all that we did.“

“I am in full agreement, but knowing those two, either I got them both or neither of them!”

“Well, they’ll know for sure in a month, and I can’t imagine they wouldn’t tell us since you have a stake in the outcome. On the off chance you went 0 for 2, you can always...”

“Give them the specimen in a jar like I’m going to make them think I did, and still think I should have done to begin with!” snapped David. Seeing Kelly’s pout, he continued. “Your sex drive was driving me crazy. My gut told me that these two wanted to be moms, so we killed two birds with one stone. But I’m not going to exploit them further, and since you can’t donate, you don’t have a say in the matter.“

Kelly sighed. “And getting a third party involved is pointless. Malcolm always takes your side, since you’re the son he never had while I’m the daughter-in-law he never wanted. Anyone else will either not take us seriously or have us arrested or worse.“

David said. “Take comfort in the fact that I still desire you more than any other woman, even in your current state, and that as soon as the baby is born one of our parents will volunteer to babysit so we can go on a vacation where you can be fucked as hard as you like!”

“Well, sure, but at that point I’m not sure I’ll want to be away from the baby long enough that we can!“

“Yeah, me neither!”

By now, Kat and Beth were back in the room, clad only in bathrobes. David programmed them. “When you wake up, you will believe that we left after agreeing to , with the sperm samples in a jar. You then decided to celebrate your impending motherhood with a mock ‘conception’ that you will not Kelly or I being part of. You will also believe that my sperm was inserted into you artificially, at Dr. Amani’s clinic.” Dr. Amani was also OB-GYN to the pretty pair, so they’d cover it up when they saw her next week. “Do you understand?”

Kat said “Yes.”

Beth said “Master.”

“Good girls, wake up in ten minutes.” David and Kelly then left.

FIVE DAYS LATER...

David and Kelly were back at the OB-GYN. Kelly was being prepped for an ultrasound. “We have a bet going over the gender of the baby. Winner’s parents get called first.” said Kelly with a smirk.

“Mine will get the news about their pending grandson, hers about their granddaughter.” explained David.

Dr. Amani placed the detector on Kelly’s abdomen. “Well, we’ll all know soon enough.” she said. When the image of the infant became clear on screen, she said. “It’s a girl. Kelly wins.”

“Nice to know I won the bet, but if we’re being honest, everyone’s a winner here!“

Jokingly using her catchphrase, David and Ellen said “Hard to argue with that one!” in unison and everyone had a short laugh.

Then David said. “Ellen, Obey-GYN”

The doctor’s said “GYN obeys.” as her eyes shut and her head slumped forward.

“You will now believe that you performed an insemination on Beth Black and Kat Channing. Wake up on the count of three. Understand?”

“Ken..., adon...” (Hindu for “Yes, Sir”)

Kelly, now wiping the jelly off of herself and getting dressed, said “what, no special examination?”

“You got examined enough by Kat and Beth.” said David. “One, Two, Three!”

When they got home, David said. “Before we call any parents, I’d like to discuss names. Now that we know the gender of our pending child, we need to agree on one.”

“Hard to argue with that one.” said Kelly. “But we should keep it secret until D-Day.”

“Agreed. We probably have similar thoughts as to why.“

“Too true. I have a confession to make. My sisters and I promised our mother on her deathbed that her first granddaughter would be named Eliza, after her. Since Rebecca’s only had boys so far, this is her first granddaughter.“

“I have a similar problem. Dad wanted to name his daughter after his mother, but he never had a daughter. He’s going to expect me to name this one Amanda, and I’ll never hear the end of it if we don’t.“

“Now I see why you agreed we should keep her name a secret until it was too late to complain about it. We’re going to disappoint someone either way.“

David said. “Maybe not. I think my family could live with it being the middle name, could yours?”

“Probably, but whose name will get top billing?”

David produced a quarter. “Let fate decide. Heads, our daughter will be named Eliza Amanda Wilson, tails she will be named Amanda Eliza Wilson.”

“Deal.” said Kelly. “But let it hit the floor.”

David tossed the coin into the air. It landed on heads. “Much like with the bet over whose parents get the news first, it matters little to me.”

Kelly kissed him. “Like I said at the doctor’s office, everyone’s a winner! Everyone’s going to get a daughter slash granddaughter slash niece slash cousin to love. And she’ll be loved the same amount, no matter what her name is. Now let’s spread the good news!”

ONE MONTH LATER

It would not be long after their own news before they got the call from James and Eleanor that she was carrying a baby boy. A few weeks later, Kat and Beth were both confirmed to be pregnant, confirming Kelly’s humorous theory that they really did do everything together (and she predicted that their children would share a birthday). Both the Wilsons and the Markses decided that it was time to hold baby showers now that the would-be gift givers knew what kind of gifts to get. James selflessly volunteered his house for a celebration involving both couples. Eleanor didn’t even have to plead with him to pay for her family’s airfare (a nearly $5000 expense), although she expressed gratitude in her usual way afterwards.

Excluding the proud parents-to-be, the most popular individual at the party was Groucho, James and Eleanor’s 18-month old Maltese mix. That dog breed naturally appeared to have a mustache, and black circles around his eyes made him look even more like his namesake. Scott and Caroline’s eldest Neil, Rebecca and Eric’s two sons, and Eleanor’s nephew and elder niece, could barely be pulled away from the puppy.

Gideon Graham, Eleanor’s father, was in Los Angeles (with his family) for the first time since his daughter’s wedding. While the Stone family also lived a significant distance from Los Angeles, they were much more technologically inclined, and had a better relationship with their son/brother-in-law. He spent fifteen minutes attempting to operate his new smartphone before the very tech-savvy Steven came and helped him. Later, he asked Eleanor, “Your parents aren’t Amish, are they?”

Eleanor looked a little upset, but then realized that Steven didn’t mean it as an insult, he had simply never met her family before now (he didn’t go to her wedding), so she explained. “No, but like many religious old men, Father has trouble adapting. His last phone was older than my youngest brother.”

“So now that he’ll have a grandchild who lives outside of earshot, he needs to see pictures of the baby boy?”

“Pretty much, yes.”

“Guess third time was the charm.”

“Fourth, actually.” explained Eleanor. “Nathaniel, my oldest brother, had a second kid last year. His wife and baby daughter couldn’t make it.”

Steven was then drawn to the person he normally was drawn to at family events, Tori. Jason Jr. was already talking to her, and asked “You’ve been an aunt for eight years now, got any advice for an uncle-to be?” as Steven approached.

“You took the words right out of my mouth.” said Steven.

Tori, who was a little jealous that her pregnant sister was the center of attention, smiled. “Your respective sisters-in-law are aunts too, why didn’t you ask them?” she said sarcastically.

“You’re kidding, right?” said Jason.

“They’re way too busy getting motherhood advice to dispatch aunthood advice!” agreed Steven.

Tori faked exasperation. “Fine. Number one rule: The parents are ALWAYS right!” Her audience was a bit startled by the emphasis she had put on the word “always,” so she paused before continuing. “When in doubt, refer to that. Number two: Babies are a lot of work. Come prepared to help out. Number three: Babies are very popular, so manage your expectations of how much face and holding time you’ll get. Number four: Keep in mind that babies have no idea what scheduling means and for the first year they’ll be asleep, or at least their parents will hope they are, more often than not. This is not deliberate so don’t feel insulted. A baby will be there for a long time, so you’ll get your fair share in the long run. Finally, new parents absolutely hate when you back up an argument with statistics.“

“The last one sounds kind of specific.” said Steven.

Tori blushed. “It is. Eric’s mom embroidered a beautiful pillow for Benjy right after he was born, and while Rebecca agreed with my evidence that infants shouldn’t use pillows, Eric wouldn’t speak to me for three months!“

Suddenly a huge, muscular man came up to the group. “Tori, are they bothering you?”

“No, Joe. They just wanted my advice on their pending unclehood.” said Tori.

“And we’re grateful for it.” said Steven.

“You’re welcome.”

Joe said. “What do you know about being an uncle, you aren’t one and never could be?!”

Tori’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve been an aunt for eight years, and that’s pretty much the same thing!”

Joe ignored the comment and glared at Jason and Steven. “Class is dismissed. Tori’s with me, and you too have spent more than enough time with her.”

Jason quickly called “Frieda!” A pretty redhead ed the cluster. “Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Frieda.”

“Nice to meet you.” said Steven, Joe and Tori. Jason and Frieda then left Steven with the not-so-happy couple.

Joe wasn’t the brightest bulb, but he was able to (correctly) conclude that if Steven had a significant other present, he would have made her known the way Jason did. He looked at the scrawny nerd menacingly, but Tori got between them. “He’s the brother of my sister’s husband. In a couple of months we’ll be sharing a niece! This is the first family event you’ve been invited to, and if you do anything to him, I guarantee it will also be the last. Understand?“

“Yes, I understand.” said Joe. “But you’re going to ruin my good time, just like you did in Vegas last month!”

Tori rolled her beautiful blue eyes. “I ruined your good time? You’re the one who ran out of money. I made a 300% profit and would have gotten even more if you hadn’t started yelling at the pit boss and I had to drag you away!” Steven knew that Tori could only do so much to keep her boyfriend at bay, so he left the two to settle their differences. He ended up running into Kelly.

“I see you’ve met Joe.” she said.

“Yes. But I was this close to meeting one of his fists. If Tori hadn’t explained who I was...“

“Tori really likes being fought over, but not when the fight’s one-sided. And she has enough decency to understand that today isn’t about her.“

“Still, that he was ready to pick a fight at all, especially in the middle of a party. Not a wise decision.”

“A lot of guys lose decision making skills in the presence of a beautiful woman. My little sister is a bigger IQ point drain then most, because she tries to be.“

“You’re preaching to the choir. I’m pretty sure I’ve suffered those effects a few times.”

“Joe might be overprotective, but at least it shows that he appreciates her. That’s a step up from the last two.”

“You mean her previous two boyfriends...”

“Cheated on her, yes. That’s why they both have the label ‘previous’“

“Proof positive she makes men around her dumb. Those two made the stupidest decision imaginable, cheating on a woman like that!” declared Steven. Neither he nor Kelly realized that Tori overheard the last part, or saw that it made her face light up.

Meanwhile, David was about to grab the final slice of a pizza, only for another hand to reach it at the same time. “What is it with you, me and pizza?” asked the other hand’s owner-Penelope! Though it had been a year since David had stopped using the lovely lawyer as a bed buddy, he was still attempting to keep his distance. As such, he hadn’t directly invited her, but he realized that meant nothing. Penelope was also friends with James and Eleanor, who were unaware of his issues with her. Also (presumably) unaware of those issues was her boss, who was so happy about his impending grandparenthood he invited every employee of the firm. David was too surprised and feeling too awkward to say anything, but he let go of the pizza slice. “Thanks and congratulations to you and Kelly.” said Penelope as she left him stunned.

ONE WEEK LATER

David and Kelly were assembling their daughter’s crib, with Steven’s help. Or David and Steven were-Kelly, in no condition for manual labor, was simply reading the instructions. “Screw in the feet.” she said.

“Only if you let me do it higher later on” snarked Steven, earning a punch in the arm from his brother. Every instruction Kelly had read aloud, Steven had twisted into innuendo. “Turn it over now, right?”

Kelly nodded. David said. “Okay, on three. One, two, three!” They inverted the crib, now complete except for a mattress. “This one’s coming together a lot easier than the dresser. That needed Dad and Drunkle’s help, yet these two are the same brand. What’s the difference?”

Kelly explained. “The crib will hold the baby for hours at a time, the table on top of the dresser, five minutes at most. Safety standards are MUCH higher for cribs. The less pieces, the less chance it will come apart.” She then showed that the instructions were only half finished. “The rest is for when she outgrows the crib and we convert it into a regular bed.”

“Well I’d say that my niece will sleep like a baby. but since she IS a baby, isn’t that redundant?” joked Steven. Unlike the crude innuendo, David and Kelly laughed at this.

After Steven left, they went through the mail and found a package. “Malcolm sent a gift!” said David.

“How do you know it was him?” asked Kelly.

“The return address is Regina’s, since that’s more plausible than Malcolm’s own, but we both know who really makes her decisions.“

“Hard to argue with that one, unfortunately.” agreed Kelly. She took the package and opened it. “It’s a maternity bra. And it’s in my size even ing for what the pregnancy did to my boobs. To top it all off, it’s blue! But how did he know in the first place?”

“This is Malcolm we’re talking about. He’s seen more bare breasts than a chicken slaughterhouse worker. That number includes yours so he was able to extrapolate.“

“No, that part I understood. I meant how did he know I needed one?“

“Half of our friends are his thralls, and it’s not like they wouldn’t tell him if asked.”

“But why would he ask?“

“You’d have to ask him and we have no reason to at the moment.“

TWO MONTHS LATER

David accompanied Kelly to Dr. Amani’s clinic for another checkup. After being examined, Kelly asked. “Everything look good?”

“Everything is within parameters, Kelly.”

“Ellen, Obey-GYN.”

Instead of saying her countersign, the doctor’s response was “That doesn’t affect me anymore, Mrs. Volunteer.”

David’s jaw hit the floor. “Malcolm got to her! She’s been promoted!”

Kelly said. “Well, now we know how he knew I needed a maternity bra!”

“But Malcolm couldn’t have come here on his own. He had to use some other primary asset as a proxy.”

Ellen interjected, “Correct. Master gave my commands to another asset who programmed me. Coincidentally, she was already a patient.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, who did it?” asked David.

“Dr. Schrieber says hi and congratulations.”

Kelly groaned. “Should have guessed. So much for special examinations.”

Ellen smiled mischievously. “Not necessarily, Kelly. If you’re willing to ‘examine’ me, I’ll ‘examine’ you at the same time.”

“And what am I supposed to during the examination?” asked David.

“Janice, of course. Dr. Schrieber told me you had a similar event with her secretary.“

“And probably had you enthrall yours as training. Sold.” said David. “Bring her in.“

“Because I knew this would happen, I didn’t schedule anyone right after your wife. We’ll have at least half an hour.” She then pressed the intercom. “Janice, please come in to the examination room.”

Janice had copper colored hair, a curvy body, and a beautiful face with brown eyes. Those eyes immediately slammed shut as Dr. Amani said “Secretary, Sleep!”

David said. “Not exactly creative, but you’re new at this, so I’ll let it slide.”

Ellen said. “I am indeed new at this. Besides Janice, I’ve only enthralled four women since I became an asset and that was over two months ago.” she then commanded her secretary. “Janice, you will obey David as you would me until I say otherwise and so long as it doesn’t contradict what you have already been commanded. Do you understand?”

“Yesssss... Misssstresssss...” breathed the secretary.

“First command, remove all of your clothing.” said David.

Soon, they were in position. Dr. Amani sixty-nined with Kelly on the examination table as David took the secretary from behind into a chair. After four orgasms and ten minutes of cleanup, the Wilsons were on their way, but Janice looked like she was about to “examine” the doctor as they left.

TWO MONTHS LATER (39.86 WEEKS TOTAL)

Kelly was about to get a glass of water from the sink when she felt it. She dropped the glass and it shattered, but in of messes, that was the least of their worries. “DAVID! IT’S HAPPENING!“

David, who was changing after a day of work, ran downstairs. “Your water broke?”

“My water broke. GO TIME!”

David, always one to plan ahead, had been preparing for this moment for quite some time. A bag was packed and ready to go inside the hallway closet, and a group text to both of their families could be sent as soon as he had a spare second. In no time at all, he was helping his wife down the front stairs and into the car, for a trip to the hospital.

As soon as they were on the road, Kelly asked. “So, Mister Prepared Papa, I know you figured out some kind of hypno-painkiller, right?”

“I did indeed.” said David.

“I don’t want it yet, but make sure you can activate it if and when I do.“

“Understood. Special Instructions.” David’s eyes were on the road, so he didn’t bother to see her reaction. “After you wake up, if I say, ‘Pain-Free Delivery,’ your pain threshold will be at 20% of normal until you hear the crying of a baby.”

“Sounds great.” said Kelly, pinching herself awake. “Hand me your phone, I’ll send the text.”

Kelly received answers for the rest of the ride (on both phones), but didn’t discuss them with David until they got to the hospital, figuring he had enough on his mind while driving at the moment. After they parked, she said “My dad and my brother-in-law are driving down. Every member of my immediate family is coming.”

“That’s over four hours’ drive!” said David, astonished.

“Labor’s supposed to take like twelve!” said Kelly. “Eliza isn’t going to arrive before anyone else.”

“There’s no way they’d drive all the way here just to turn around. Especially when you consider why they’re coming.“

“Rest assured, they won’t. Holly said they’re booking hotels through the week.”

“And they have time to do that?”

“Rebecca and Eric are teachers and it’s spring break, which means Peter and the kids are good to go. Holly and my father are self-employed, so they can take the time and work remotely in a pinch.”

“What about Tori? Will her boss give her the time off on such short notice?”

“Our dad IS her boss, so I’d say yes.” said Kelly with a smirk as they entered the hospital.

Kelly’s prediction about how much time they had proved to be correct. She was still being observed by the hospital’s obstetrician when John texted David to indicate that they were in the waiting room. “Go.” said Kelly upon seeing the text. “The docs have your number and you’ll moments away from here.”

“I love you both.” said David.

“I love you too.” Kelly patted her belly. “She does too, even if she doesn’t know it yet.”

“Well?” asked Melissa as David met his family.

“So far, so good.” said David. “But it’s pretty early.”

“You told her family too, didn’t you?” asked John.

“Of course. They’re on their way here.”

Steven then asked. “Including Tori?”

David groaned. “Yes, including Tori. You’re really concerned about the wrong sister right now, bro,“

“I’m concerned about Kelly and my future niece as much as everyone else here. But Kelly’s already at the hospital, so it won’t change things.“

“Tori has a boyfriend now, dumbass! You’re lucky he’s not coming, or you’ll be this hospital’s next patient!“

“Once the baby is born, our families will be ed forever. I’ll have all the time in the world to wear her down.”

“Dad, please tell him that’s not true!”

John said. “Sorry, son, but even once you two share a niece, that doesn’t force her to do anything more than tolerate your presence. And don’t expect me to defend you if she files a restraining order.”

David said. “Okay, glad you’re all here.”

Jacob, who had been silent up until now, said “There’s no better reason to be at a hospital than this!”

Melissa said with a smile. “As my daughter-in-law might say, hard to argue with that one!” David then went back to his wife.

Once he was back at Kelly’s side, David asked. “Why did you want hypno-painkillers instead of the real deal?”

“Not a big fan of performance-enhancing drugs. I’ll take them after the battle is over, but not during.” answered Kelly.

“And hypnosis isn’t a performance-enhancing-drug?“

“If it was, Louis would have to give his medals back!”

“Speaking of our favorite Olympian, any word from our friends?”

“The only words I got from the Lafayettes were ’toutes nos félicitations’ which is a French congratulatory message. As for the Pendergasts, they just want to welcome us to the Parents Club, and Caroline will be here on shift tomorrow to see us. Eleanor is due next week, so they might be too busy to respond.“

A few hours later, the Stone and Smith families made it to the hospital. When David came back to the waiting room, Rebecca said. “Ron was curious as to why we’ve been coming to Los Angeles so much lately. When I explained it, he just kept chanting this, and Benjy ed in and now none of us can get it out of our heads.”

“Get what out?”

Ron answered for the others. “Auntie Kelly, Auntie Kelly Has a baby in her belly! Auntie Kelly, Auntie Kelly Has a baby in her belly!” Benjy chanted with him. “Auntie Kelly, Auntie Kelly Has a baby in her belly!” Then Peter, Steven and Tori ed in. Auntie Kelly, Auntie Kelly Has a baby in her belly!” Soon all three families were chanting, so David put the whole thing on speakerphone so Kelly could hear it. Eventually the chant of a dozen people got on someone’s nerves, and hospital security made them stop.

Tori finished with a “But not for much longer!“

When David got back to his wife’s room, he was told to put scrubs on. Kelly’s cervix was almost fully dilated, which meant that parenthood was just around the corner.

Kelly began to scream. “REBECCA AND HOLLY NEVER SAID HOW PAINFUL THIS WAS!”

David said, half-jokingly, “If they had, you might not have gone through with this.“

Kelly grabbed him by the scrubs. “PERMISSION GRANTED, MY MAN! DO IT!”

“Pain-Free Delivery!” said David before he was pushed out of proximity.

It was the longest three hours of either of their lives. Even with her pain at a fraction of what it should have been, Kelly was still yelling her head off. David, unable to look away, had never felt so helpless. Finally, he heard the cries. Faint at first, but soon they were the loudest and most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. There was his daughter, screaming at the top of her lungs, covered in at least three different bodily fluids and in the hands of one of the doctors. He’d never seen anything more adorable. He was handed his daughter. Just as he was about to give the baby to her mother, said mother screamed even louder than the baby. David realized that Eliza’s cries had cut off the hypno-painkillers. “GIMME THE BABY, THEN GIMME THE DRUGS!” Kelly roared.

“Please.” said David, then began to rock the baby. “Welcome to the world, little one. Know that you are loved and will be loved every moment of your life.”

It would be another hour before the new family was clean and safe enough to go to the waiting room. Kelly was carrying the baby, pushed by David in a wheelchair. David whistled to get the group’s attention and then said. “Everyone, I’d like you to meet your granddaughter slash niece slash cousin, Eliza Amanda Wilson!”

Attempting to hold her up, Lion King-style (while still seated), Kelly said drunkenly, “NOW BASK IN HER CUTENESS!”

“She’s beautiful.” said Steven and Tori at the same time.

Little Eliza was photographed, ed around, kissed and held for quite some time. It was already after midnight by now, but no one had anywhere else to be, and they didn’t want to be anywhere else anyway.