Countess Cara
Chapter IV
South Pacific Ocean — 47°9′S 126°43′W
10,984 meters below the surface…
…
It was far too humid and condensed down here for my liking, or at least, that’s all I could think about, as I studied my lack of reflection down in the blood red martini beside my claws. That, and it reeked of rotting seafood. Definitely not the good kind.
Biting into my soft lips, I run the end of my ring finger claw around the tip of my glass. I was quite content to be seated alone, far and away at the counter table, the bright Aeon Snoozer barlight flickering above me.
I give a sigh as I raise the martini glass to my lips, swishing the delicious contents around my fangs and welcoming the burn which travels down my throat. Shit, now I realize what I’d forgotten-I should have brought a book with me.
…
As I’m busy minding my business and enjoying my drink, an assortment of skeletons, deep sea horrors, and other forms of undead and disheartening things shuffle around the dingy bar behind me, most of them smoking or drinking, a group of fishmen chattering loudly through their gills while playing pool.
Amber green and nightshade blue lights dance across the room whilst an upbeat jazz played,
and I couldn’t help but feel somewhat reminded of the parties my friend would drag me to when I was still alive.
I wouldn’t normally visit a place like this, the geometric patterns the table ends were forming into gave me a wicked headache for one. But after striking out on every date I’ve been on in the past month, let’s just say I wasn’t too eager to show my face at any local venues.
Clink
I’m pulled from my thoughts by a sudden eight foot tentacle looming over me, the dark green appendage stretching down to place a shot glass to my fingertips from one of its many hooked suctions.
“Drink for you Miss. From a Lord LeMarchand
at the end of the bar.” The bartender squawks to me with a British accent through an assortment of different sharp and jagged beaks.
My expression beams for a moment to the dark red liquid before me, spinning around in my seat with a hopeful look to follow the tentacles pointing...
...Only my smile turns into a frown, and my eyes drop to a scowl when they meet with some BDSM weirdo, eyeing me up through the assortment of thumbtacks dug into his face.
He shoots a leather bound finger gun at me, clicking his teeth while raising his nonexistent eyebrows, and I release a disappointed sigh, spinning back around in my seat.
“No thanks. I don’t drink with...commoners.”
I give the shot glass a flick, letting it spill over the counter as I gazed into the six or seven eyes of the bartender.
It would have been rude of me to call him a squid to his face....es.... It was more like looking into the eyes of some prehistoric deep sea horror, quite literally sprouting his enormous form through the barwall, kinda like that fungus under the sink did.
“Hm. So, just one little bloody mary is gonna do it for you then, honey?” He scowls to me through numerous dilating pupils.
I rub my closed eyes to his words, tilting myself back with a sigh.
“Fine fine, keep it friendly there doctor who....let me get uh..a Miska Gin & Tonic then.”
I scooch myself in closer to the frame, making room for a ing skeleton, puffing away on a skull shaped pipe. My irises seem to gleam slightly when I take notice of the small, hand sized octopus cleaning my unwanted shot with a dirty rag.
Hmm...Eight arms and no voice...I could do a lot worse...
“Hey there, cuddlefish~” I purr to the tiny thing, giving it playful bedroom eyes while it’s own become slightly fearful.
Yeah, right. With the girl I lived with, this guy would be walking calamari.
With another kitten like chuckle, I pucker my lips and lean closer to him, giggling out a mischievous Mwah! as I place a kiss on his cold, wet skin. My lips leave behind a black glowing smoochmark, his eyes rolling around dizzyingly before changing into large thumping hearts.
My long claws poke and prod his oily skin playfully, giggling with amusement as I toyed with the poor baby squid like a cat with her mouse.
Clink
Another translucent glass is placed before me, this time containing a dark purplish liquid resting beside a small piece of paper. I’m curious to finally try this drink after so much hype, but when I glance towards the bill, my playful energy quickly dissipates.
“Forty-seven dollars for two drinks??” I shout, standing up and clutching the paper tightly within my grasp.
“Hey, this is a really upscale establishment! The Big Guys’ sleeping just ten streets up, it’s a touristy area! Besides, you’ve been mooching the Wifi here all night.”
I show him my fangs while letting out an annoyed hiss, scorching the receipt in my fingertips. My nails dig into the wood, but my deep sea frustrations are interrupted by an ominous chuckling.
“Well now, I didn’t think vampires detested inflation so much.”
The voice sounds mysterious, with a dark and brooding, yet somewhat playful tone. But I don’t bother even looking at this guy, why was he even speaking to me anyway?
“We don’t. But even if we did, we’re vampires, not inhuman capitalists.”
The creature I turn to face seems normal at first, looking like a regular man I’d see on the street, but the more I stare into him, the more I can feel him trying to force a sense of unease over me.
It was a mild and obvious intrusion, causing me to bare my fangs slightly and hiss again, tilting my nose up with an angry sniff. Everything about his intrusive presence was just wrong, was this jerk trying to pick a fight with me? Did he seriously not realize who I was?
“My apologies then. Still, it’s a rather welcomed surprise to find you here, Countess. I just had to come and introduce myself, once I picked up your scent in this realm.”
Oh great, another weirdo from my fan club.
I watch as he moves closer, only feeling myself growing more confused when he turns to show me that where his face should be, his features seem to form into a never ending spiral. Just looking at him gives me a tiny migraine, the same way the walls in this place did.
“...What…in the Nine Circles are you supposed to be? A tapeworm? What happens when the spaghetti monster gets a nut off?” I lock my fingers together, continuing to scowl at the ominous and unnatural thing seated next to me.
“I’ve used many different masks over the centuries on this rock.” He chuckles.
“Nephren-Ka, The Black Pharaoh, you might recognize. Or Hadrian, if you prefer. Or Atilla. Nero. Manson. Iger. Anywhere there is chaos, you can be sure to find me pulling the strings~”
His voice seems to accompany a slight ringing in my ears, but I purse my lips, unimpressed.
“Oooo, the Black Pharaoh, huh? Real PC, buddy. So you’re here to have a drink, or just to get yourself canceled?”
His never ending mouth curls into an infinite smile, an array of five or six hands folding into themselves by their single wristcuff when he sets his drink on the counter.
“Actually sweetheart, I’m here to give you a little investment.”
He opens his multiple palms to reveal a red, hand sized book, the phrase ‘Demonivm Maleficarvm’ carved into its velvet cover, and he slides it across the counter, knocking over my drink and landing beside my hand.
“Pfft...Demonium Maleficarum, with V’s so ya know it’s exxxxtra evvvvvul.” My unimpressed voice reads out.
“And what angsty, pmsing edgelord came up with that? You know, ‘Demonivs Omnibvs’ would have been so much more marketable.”
I give the book a flick, sending it sliding back to the talking venereal disease with an accompanying spark from my fingers.
“Yeah I’m not interested in whatever it is you’re trying to sell, Narly. And if this was your way of trying to hit on me, I think I’ll give the dog guy another chance first.” I chuckle, crossing my arms.
He taps one of his multi-fingered hands against the book’s cover, picking it up and strutting closer to wedge it between my bosom, while I let out a surprised and annoyed huff.
“I insist you should read this, HotTopic. Don’t you always have your nose in a book anyway?”
“And don’t they sell a lotion in this Bikini Bottom that gets rid of you?” My voice growls, irritatingly tapping my claws one by one deep into the counter.
That endless grin opens wide to reveal a pitch black void, an amused chuckle emerging from the darkness along with a twisted red tongue like a slimy, decrepit worm.
“I think that dear departed hubby of yours would appreciate it.” The thick, red appendage tauntingly rings out around my face.
Instantly my pupils dilate wide open, flaming pentagrams appearing over my irises as I break the counter off in my sharp grasp.
Now I knew what that twisted head reminded me of...
“What did you just let fly out of that toilet bowl of a mouth??” I growl, tossing the useless book behind me along with part of the barframe.
“Just that you might not be quite the widow you think you are. And a little light reading now and then might help you loosen up, and not be such a prissy...uptight…”
Flaming pentagrams overtake my eyes as he finishes, hissing into his dumbass whirlpool face.
“Skank~”
His infinite smile widens, pressing his fingers into my boob.
My fist opens and my claws come down onto his expression with a cry, only to hiss in frustration when my hand refuses to pierce him. Over and over I swipe at him, only for my nails to completely through his wispy form!
Suddenly he grabs my wrist, and I ball my hand up, increasing the heat until I had an inferno in my palm. Only I couldn’t release or cast it towards him, much to my frustration.
“MOTHERF—”
BOOM!
I let out an angry squeal as I go flying into the wall, accompanied by a small explosion.
“Hey! You two can’t be fighting in here! Take it outside!”
The squid behind the counter shouts at us from his beaks, while his angry eyes scowl to the damage I’ve caused.
“Rrahh!!!” I scream, standing myself back up and dusting off my tattered black gown.
“You wanna fuck with me, worm boy? Lemme just take a little off the top!” My claws loudly scrape together as I open and close my palm, the inverted stars that were now my eyes increasing their flaming intensity.
Suddenly I feel myself calming, and I douse the fire in my hand when I see the cleaner squid from before hunched behind the counter, rubbing one of his little tentacles and looking distressed. His eyes return to normal as my love spell dissipates.
“Oh...Oh I’m so sorry, baby. Did I nick you there? Here let me see that, sweetie.”
I make my way over to the squid, gently patting his arm and treating him as a mother might treat her son with a scraped knee, my pentagram eyes slowly returning to normal.
“You’ve always been such a delightful little source of entertainment, Countess. I don’t think even the sixties spy version was this fun.”
His voice wafers over to me, driving my expression back into one of annoyance.
“Ughh, don’t tell me you’re about to get a song and I don’t even get a simple—”
Only when I’ve turned back around to face him, he’s disappeared completely, the STD and his stupid book vanished. All I can see are the startled bar patrons gazing at me like an aggressive tiger or lioness backed to a corner.
“...Poser. I do that trick better.” I mutter, standing back up and taking a random glass from the counter containing a dark blue liquid.
“This is why I drink at home.”
My heels click against the stone floor as I make my way through the undead crowd and towards the exit, the bartender extending his tentacles out in my direction with an angry look.
“Hey, you didn’t pay your tab!”